The Twelve Steps Is Not Enough

To really prepare a substance abuser for the reality of what the reunion with their children will actually look like, The Twelve Steps is not enough.

The people I have come in contact with in recovery from substance abuse, including my own mother, all have similar standards when it comes to their current relationships with family: it’s “let the past be the past”.

What the mass of the recovering fellowship doesn’t understand is that in more than one way the above stated motto is more harmful to relationships with family than helpful. While addicts working to overcome their drug abuse are away at treatment facilities getting the support they need to overcome their addictions, the children that witnessed and became victims of their parent’s abuse don’t have a readymade support system they can access. These children are left in the care of other family members or state agencies.

Children at some point in time are returned to their parents who have taken the 12 step challenge and oath. It is The Twelve Steps that I think enable recovering addicts to dismiss failed parental responsibilities. Therefore, bringing forth the “let the past be the past” attitude many adhere to.

The Twelve Steps promote the message to give all your “defects of character, shortcomings, will and lives over to the care of God.” I do believe this message is successful in providing recovering addicts temporary security when faced with the burden of the thoughts all their shortcomings might bring.

However, this message is in many ways a great hindrance to the personal growth of a recovering addict when the time comes for them to face the children who were a victim of their drug abuse.

In addition to the Twelve Steps, I think it is also important to talk about the impact of substance abuse on the children, how it changes their life paths. That conversation would look like this:

1. Teen pregnancy
2. Lack of education
3. Retaliation/resentment
4. Substance abuse
5. Destructive behaviors
6. Victims of sexual assault & molestation
7. Suicide
8. Severed relationships w/siblings, parent & other family members.

These results are real life circumstances for the children who have lost a parent to substance abuse. Unfortunately, the “let the past be the past” motto doesn’t work in this scenario because the effects of the substance abuse are circumstances being lived at that moment for the child. It will take years for some to recover while others will never rebound from the effects of the abuse.

Recovering substance abusers accept the damage you have done. Accept that you are responsible for your child’s poor life choices. Accept that while your substance abuse may be in the past its effects aren’t.

No, Why YOU gotta be like that? I’m only telling the truth.